re:where do I start? 

Date: 1999, Aug 16
From: andrea andrea

SORRY THIS IS SO LONG IN GETTING TO YOU. HOPE THINGS ARE GOING WELL. HAVE YOU MADE ANY DECISIONS ABOUT YOUR GRANDMOTHER? WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR HER AT THIS POINT. THE DECISION IS NEVER AN EASY ONE. WE TOOK CARE OF MY MOTHER-IN-LAW FOR 18 MONTHS. STARTED OUT WITH HER IN HER HOME ON WEEKENDS AND IN OUR HOME DURING THE WEEK. IN THE END, SHE WAS WITH US FULL-TIME. MIL (MOTHER-IN-LAW) WAS ONLY 68 WHEN SHE BECAME ILL. SHE HAD A BRAIN TUMOR. HER SYMPTOMS WERE SIMILAR TO ALZHEIMERS. WE WERE FORTUNATE THAT I WAS NOT WORKING AT THE TIME OF HER ILLNESS. EVEN THOUGH THAT DECISION SEEMED TO BE "EASY", THERE WERE MANY DAYS THAT I (AS PRIMARY CAREGIVER) QUESTIONED IT. WHAT EVER DECISION YOU MAKE, YOU TOO WILL OFTEN WONDER WEITHER OR NOT IT IS THE RIGHT ONE. SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN AND YOU WILL SAY, IF I HAD CHOSEN THE OTHER WAY, MAYBE THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED. OR SHE MAY SAY SOMETHING THAT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL THAT WAY. MY ADVISE IS THAT YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT YOU THINK IS BEST FOR, #1 HER, & #2 YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. THAT IS TO SAY, DON'T KEEP HER WITH YOU IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE ABILITY (FACILITIES) TO CARE FOR HER. AND CERTAINLY DON'T KEEP HER WITH YOU IF THE STRESSES WILL BE TOO MUCH FOR YOU. DO YOU HAVE ANY SUPPORT? ANY ONE WHO YOU CAN "VENT" TO? IF NOBODY ELSE, THERE ARE SEVERAL ONLINE SUPPORT GROUPS FOR CAREGIVERS. EVEN IF YOUR DECISION IS (WAS) TO PUT HER IN A HOME, LOOK FOR THE SUPPORT GROUPS. YOU WILL NEED THEM! I ALWAYS HAVE SAID, "DO WHAT YOU MUST SO THAT IN THE END (AND THIS WILL COME TO PASS), YOU WILL BE ABLE TO SAY "I DID WHAT I COULD" AND BE ABLE TO LIVE WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU HELPED HER THE BEST YOU COULD" HOPE ALL IS GOING WELL.