|
Dear Hugz,
You are in a "no-win" situation, and I truly empathize with you. I know you want to please your husband and keep peace in the family by helping your mother-in-law. But if your mother-in-law weren't so selfish, she would realize that all young married couples need time alone to get accustomed to one another. When a third person, particularly someone older, moves into your home and becomes a part of your day-to-day lives, your marriage is going to suffer. Even if your mother-in-law were a saint, having her in your home at this time in your marriage is very unwise. When a mother bird raises her young, she pushes them out of the nest to fend for themselves. Your mother-in-law has kept your husband in the nest far too long, and she has apparently made him dependent upon her. He has to grow up and face the fact that his wife must now come first in his life. Until he can do that, you are going to be in for a difficult time. But please don't let your husband or your mother-in-law make you feel in any way guilty -- you are only asking to live your own life, with your husband, without interference. Your mother-in-law should understand this and make other living arrangements before she completely destroys your life, your sanity, and your future with your husband. Also, don't put your life on hold waiting for her to decide what she wants to do. I think you and your husband should sit down with her (without interruption) immediately and explain that it is your decision to live on your own. If she cries, give her a tissue, and tell her you love her but you feel you have to make some adjustments in your life. REMEMBER don't let her make you feel guilty because that is the way they gain control over you.
Please believe me -- I've been there, so I wish you strength, grace, and, above all, determination. I would like to know what happens with you.
Good luck, Dear! from Badger
|