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Please advice me, am so lost and emotionally torn. I just got married few weeks ago, we (me & husband) both knows ann’s (mother-in-law) character. She’s strong willed, stubborn, wants to be the “Best” (as compared to my mum), full of jealousy, and wants to baby phil (husband) all the time. She can’t stand criticisms, lest her son tells her something, she’ll flip, and creates a big scene (very dramatic) and the whole world will learn about it. She’ll never forgive or forgets whoever that steps on her toes. She always wants to be in the limelight, she brags so much, and always yearning for attention. She’ll never accept a “No, it’s not like this”… everything has to be her way. Being asian, her way of thinking is “always respect the elders – that’s final – it’s my way or no way”.
She worked hard all her life, being the bread-winner of the family (husband does nothing but bums around all day – all his life), she feels proud that all her 3 sons are successful in their career. She just retired, and all her sons just got married.
Last night, we argued and it was something really trivia, it was probably all the frustrations I had bottled up inside me, and I just exploded. I apologized, and I know now things will never be the same anymore. One other thing is that, she talked to my mum in a nasty manner too… my mum tolerated her, my mum, being a kind and bubbly natured person, seemed to always get walked all over by a lot of people.
I, on the other hand, am strong-willed, stubborn, and I can’t stand criticisms, others bragging or anyone telling me what to do (which ann is most capable of), and I will always want to have a say in it. Bottom line is, we can’t see eye to eye.
I’m afraid this may put a burden on our marriage, knowing that phil is such a filial son, he won’t abandon his mum. It is chinese culture that when the kids grow up, they, in turn, takes care of the parents. His mum wants to stay with us and his other brothers’s place (every other months). Me & Phil talked about this, I objected to it, and he doesn’t know how to tell her (fact is, we can’t tell her, she’ll start her crying nonsense). He bought a house for ann & father (½ million loan), but she doesn’t want to stay with him. Phil is currently staying with me & my mum. (It is very difficult to get a property in Singapore – law is, unless you’re married, or have parent as a co-owner. We’re looking into private property (our dream home – another 1 million loan) few years down the road. It’s gonna be very costly, because he’ll have to maintain 2 households (so that his dad will have a place to live and provide his parents, let alone our own lives… to top it up, I won’t get to enjoy my “Home” with her hovering around.
Phil has been living with his mom for 30 years, being the filial son that he is, he's got to be very hurt when I told him all these… I’m afraid our relationship will not be able to take such blows (me & ann) although he speaks otherwise, I sensed his hesitation… I’m really worried, I’m only 26, after gone through 2 divorces, I’m really tired… never had to deal with these sorts of things.
Please help!
Hugz
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