Caring For His Grandparents 

Question: Dear Grandma, I'm a 26 year old wife married to a wonderful man almost 30. We are out of work taking care of his grandparents full time. I'm the primary caregiver for both of them. She's 88 and he's 90. They both supposedly have Alzheimer's. I've done a lot of research and I'm not so sure that he has it. Regardless, he is almost bedridden and has started to "sundown" which I understand is confusing night for day. He sleeps most of the day and then around 6 PM he's up and at 'em. Then around 2 AM he's finally ready to go back to sleep. Any help on how I can get him back on a regular schedule? Or how I can calm him down when he starts roaming late at night? Then there's the grandma. She is always very hostile and demanding. I always try to speak kindly and get her things that she enjoys, but nothing I ever do is right. I get so stressed out. She calls me "high class", "the boss", etc. She always thinks we're whispering about her and that everybody hates her. We try to say that isn't true but she won't listen. She sees people that aren't there. She can't remember my husband's name much less that he's her grandson. She thinks that she just moved in her houseand wants to go home. I can't get her to do anything but yell at us on a constant basis. I need some advice on how to get her to stop being so mean. I've tried candy, smiles, ignoring it, flowers, cookies, talking to her about it. Nothing's worked. Maybe you have a suggestion? Response: Dear Reader, did you undertake this tremendous responsibility because you were both out of work, or did you resign in order to do it? Did you think to set up any rules to have time off? Are board and room your only compensation, or do you receive something in addition so that you can get away on your own at different times? This brings up the question: do the grandparents have sons and/or daughters that can help you, either giving you some compensation or giving of their time? You are going to find after awhile that you are burning out from being on call twenty-four hours a day. I am speaking from experience because my father was bedridden at our home for three months. In addition, this can cause a strain on your marriage. You will need to go out, see your friends, because you can't live in a vacuum. Has your grandmother been evaluated by her doctor? Her negative traits may only get worse and there may be medications that could calm her down and overcome (at least lessen) the depression. The same advice might help your grandfather as well. You sound as if you are really trying, so don't feel guilty for not being able to accomplish everything. Grandma