Everything I Needed to Know About Caregiving I Learned in Kindergarten 

Play Nice; Share Your Toys Caregiving is about sharing our toys -- our most prized possessions, time and emotional energy. Unfortunately, we often get tired of sharing, especially when our prized possessions don't seem to be appreciated. Take steps to identify your toys and decide what you are willing to share. Gather the important people who participate in caring for the aging adult, then agree upon the specific roles that each person will play. Be honest about what you're able to give -- for example, time or money. Try to spend YOUR time doing things that will be most appreciated. Hire out house maintenance tasks, like lawn care and snow removal. Use a companion service for light housekeeping, meal preparation, grocery shopping and errands. Spend your time doing things WITH rather than FOR the older adult. Find other ways to get the emotional support you received from your parents in the past. Talk with friends who are in similar situations. Join a caregiver support group. If you're sharing the caregiving tasks with siblings, keep the lines of communication open. Send each other progress reports. This is where the "play nice" part comes in. Try to support each other in the roles that you choose. Don't Run With Scissors "When moving from place to place with scissors, hold them down and walk slowly." Why does it seem like we often put ourselves right smack in the middle of volatile situations? Like the child running with scissors, we forget to think about consequences. Let's talk about this. Say your mother doesn't follow her doctor's advice. You stop by and find her raking leaves, though you said you'd do this for her over the weekend. How will you handle this? (a) Exclaim "why don't you listen to your doctors! You never follow directions. You just don't care about yourself or how it affects me!" (b) Tell her you're genuinely concerned about her health and wished that she would save her energy for the other activities she enjoys. (c) Ask her to visit the doctor with you to get a better sense of things she can and cannot do. If your first impulse is to tell your mom off (a), then you're running with scissors and you'd be better off doing nothing at all. You've put your mom on the defensive and are expecting to gain more control over her at a point where she's already feeling out of control. The other responses are more respectful and do not presume that you are the authority and she is a child. Remember, unless an individual is putting themselves or others at risk, they have every right to make their own decisions and mistakes. Never Skip Recess Recess is a necessary part of life. We often get so wrapped up with the task of caregiving that we forget about recharging our emotional batteries. If you're seeing the older adult as a task and nothing more, then you're missing recess. Find ways to have more fun with the older adult. Professional organizations can help with the mundane tasks so you can spend more quality time looking through photo albums, writing letters to out of town family, taking the grandkids to the park, or sharing a cup of tea. Summary In closing, care giving is a road best traveled in small steps. Begin the journey now by better defining roles prior to being confronted by crisis. After all, it's easier to be nice and share your toys if you're not thrust into a situation emotionally unprepared. Try to control your impulse to run with scissors -- think of the consequences. If all else fails, open your lunchbox, dig out a cookie and milk, and enjoy a well-deserved recess.