Dollars and Sense 

At some point in the caregiving equation, finances are going to become an issue. The ways in which we talk about money, think about money and ultimately spend money can affect how we relate to others and how we make decisions about long term care issues and options. There is some truth to the idea that our generation and the generations before us have a different relationship with money; those before us, for the most part, being less willing to discuss their finances even with their closest relatives. So where does all this leave the caregiver? Unfortunately in a difficult place. You want to assist the older adult in making choices about care, however the "money subject" is often closed. The following tips might be of some help: As we age, we have less and less control over our physical limitations, our friend's and family's health, etc.. However, one thing we can control is our finances. We can choose whether to discuss this topic with others or keep all the information to ourselves. For this reason, caregivers must approach the financial issue delicately. It is important to assure our older family members that we are not really interested in their money or how it is spent, instead we are interested in helping them to get the services and resources they need and deserve. Adult children should be willing to share aspects about their own life and financial planning -- this allows the older adult to feel a level of reciprocity and trust from the caregiver. Families need to be cognizant of their own history with finances and money management. There are many taboos around discussing finances with your children. I know for example that my parents never wanted me to know their income while I was growing up. This type of dynamic may predict how open parents will be as they age. The generations also have different beliefs about money -- how much should be saved and what it should be spent on. Families may worry that discussing finances will effect how people relate to them. Older adults may not want their children to know how much money they have because they don't want to feel obligated to share their money right now. They might feel it is not right for this to be discussed until after their death. The older adult may be ashamed about how they managed money or with their lack of knowledge about today's complex financial market. Finally, it is important not to separate finances from other aspects of the relationship. Older adults will be more apt to share with those caregivers that are also providing them with emotional support and attention.